The sharing of the trauma story in therapy “therefore serves a purpose beyond simple ventilation or catharsis; it is a means  towards active mastery” – Judith Herman, MD 

People from every community, all walks of life, can experience an uncomfortable loneliness in the process of healing from the loss of self or a significant other. Most clients continue living regular life in the meantime; however, the whole 1-2-3 of getting back to “normal” can take several years.  Whether the loss is due to divorce, separation, or a form of traumatic grief; the following describes my solutions-focused approach in counseling using the three-stage sequence of trauma treatment and recovery process based on the classic work of Judith Lewis Herman, M.D.

1-2-3 Healing is a theoretical framework I mentally use to help clients recover from a broken heart or loss of connection. Depending on the severity of symptoms, some clients may choose to complete assessments in order to either obtain or rule-out a formal diagnosis of acute or post traumatic stress. Regardless, I’ve found that intuitively many clients already have an awareness of their general level of functioning and often have quite a bit of knowledge as to how to manage and cope with trauma.

Symptoms of trauma or grief present initially as difficulties managing emotions, self-soothing, concentrating, and/or a combination of other uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Click here for information on post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms from Psych Central.

Often, clients get the message that they need to hurry; deal with the circumstances and get on with it. However, healing is a process; with the potential for significant growth to occur. To those not experienced, it can seem deceptively simple on the surface. However, there is an actual science and a psychology behind the recovery process that therapists know very well.

Clinicians spend years studying the cause and effect of traumatic relationships on our self and society. The long story short of what we’ve learned through the research is that the world in which you come back to after a loss is just as crucial as the actual loss. In other words, the journey of healing is one best done with empathetic others who have an understanding for the psychological effects of having been witness to a life changing event. To fully acclimate to a new way of being, the effects of the experience are best managed when the client’s experience is normalized and validated; a safe outlet is provided to learn how to self-regulate & process the experience; and the client is given options on how to manage at their preferred pace.

What then is the process of making sense of this broken heart syndrome? … (1) To start, it’s important to come up with an emotional safety plan; learn to work with your inherent resilience; normalize the associated symptoms; learn the basic language of psychology; and assess for any obstacles that could affect recovery such as adverse childhood experiences or environmental limitations… (2) The work of therapy centers around five core components of restoring trust, safety, intimacy, control, and self-efficacy … In a sense, picking up the pieces of this psychological puzzle and figuring out where things should go to feel better. That’s the counseling part.

Then (3) my job as a coach is to facilitate transformation beyond the grief and loss; broaden perspectives and balance the picture. I’ll share my experience from having the opportunity to work with hundreds of clients as a sexual assault and domestic violence counselor; and the lessons I’ve learned working alongside established mentors in the field of mental health.

The end result of the work is  … Integration. Thinking, feeling, and acting from a core belief rooted in freedom. Being able to enjoy and share the first-rate version of yourself in relationships, career, and life no matter how daunting the journey!

© 2014 Bright Ones Counseling, LLC